i hate how my mind works, i over think everything, i worry that everyone actually hates me and im bothering them all. i hate asking people to hangout with me becasue i feel like they say yes to be nice, and secretly they hate being around me. and to me that seems extremly likely, who would actually want to spend time with me.
baby, why dont we talk anymore?
have you run out of words to say?
run out of “i love you’s”
run out of “you’re my world, ill never leave you”?
ill tell you, you can leave me without being physically gone.
your mind can leave before your body does,
thats when it hurts the most,
when i see you and kiss you and know its all empty actions,
no meaning behind them,
no feelings towards me.
soon there wont be kisses, or “i love you”s
there will be silence, empty silence
replaced with cold words and painful memories of what we had and who we were.
if you love me say it now,
tell me goodbe,
let me sit in my sorrows and bleed out,
bleed out all the cold pain and all the lies,
once im dead the lies will mean nothing,
they will be but a scar in this path of failings and suicide.
so i say, “i love you” one last time,
then i go, peacfully, quietly, slowly, and happily.
i cut this morning, for no real reason either, i was just bothered and wanted to be distracted, but the problem is that i promised my bofriend i would stop, it was an empty promise but i had hoped i wouldn’t let him down so quickly. i don’t know if i should tell him, i just don’t know what to do at all really.
I wish I were normal, I wish i didn’t hurt so many people by whatIi do, I wish I didn’t care so much about what I look like. I don’t want to be me anymore, I want to be a happy, care free, pretty young girl. I don’t want my life to be so confusing, I don’t want to push all these people away. But i know they can’t stay in my life, Once they know the real me, They’ll run. “She cuts her wrist’s, I can’t love her” “She starves herself, I can’t love her” “She’s depressed, I can’t love her”. But I don’t blame even one of you, Becasue I can’t love myself either.
